


Am I Good Enough Now?

by Rainbow_star_tea



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, High School, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 14:48:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9766136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbow_star_tea/pseuds/Rainbow_star_tea
Summary: Jongdae had never loved. Not until Yixing came along.





	

Being gay in an all boys school is not a good thing, Jongdae realised as his head crashed against the hard mirrors of the bathroom and his head went spinning with sharp shoots of pain. And being gay and telling them about it is even worse, Jongdae thought as one of the boys punched him hard enough across the face to knock him out. Not like anyone cared. 

The teacher on patrol turned a blind eye when he stumbled out of the bathroom ten minutes after those who beat him, covered in blood and purpling bruises. But he deserved them. He deserved every single one of those punches because he was gay. Gay and ugly. Tears welled in his eyes as he stumbled to his locker to grab his back before hobbling out of school, constantly hitting the place on his ribs where they had kicked him. Ugly, gay and weak. So weak.

Jongdae finally got home, looking into the mirror in the bathroom at his swelling eye bruised cheek and broken lip. Served him right. He screwed on the tap until it was screaming, placing his arms under the strong current, hissing when he felt his bruises. He took out a wash cloth and started scrubbing. And scrubbing. And scrubbing. Until his arms were red, raw and his, blood the essence of the thing he hated so much, flowed out.

Today the bruises were masquerading themselves under a thin, poorly applied layer of concealer, still prominent enough for people to stop and stare. Or laugh. Like they usually did. But today was different. Today, someone came up to Jongdae, rushing up to stand infront of him, making Jongdae flinch away in fear of a blow, only being able to see the mans shoes. But instead, just a touch. A hand came up to caress his bruised face, rubbing the bruise so gently, so kindly. Yixing was new. Didn't know what he was doing. Only an innocent exchange student from China trying to be nice, because he didn't know that people in this school aren't nice. They aren't. But Yixing stayed with him. Each day walking home, Yixing caring for Jongdae's wounds when his parents couldn't care less.

"Yixing," Jongdae asked as the other applied antiseptic to the cut, "why are you here?"

Yixing paused for a second, and Jongdae feared for the worst "because I like you,"

That was the first time Jongdae had ever kissed anyone, all consuming and loving.

After that everyone knew they were together. The taunts got louder and louder. Louder and louder. 

"Yixing you could do so much better!"

"What is that fucker trying to do? Why is he trying to hurt Yixing?"

"Yixing! You could at least go for someone pretty!"

They never ended, even when Jongdae curled in on himself, shaking with sobs in the bathrooms, trying to get away from the noise all he could hear was how he would never, never be good enough for Yixing. Yixing. It stung. That he was not good enough for the one person he loved. He bolted. He ran, tears streaming down his face, running into others that occasionally knocked him down, kept running until he was home. Scraping, scraping so hard to try and get rid of himself. To get rid of his existence. But it wasn't WORKING. He started to cry as he tried and tried to get the blood to leave him, to let his heart stop pumping it. He finally grabbed a blade, dragging it so slow, so controlled across the surface of his wrist. Deeper, deeper every time, the blood welling up and dripping down into the sink, calming his frantic mind. Maybe now he was worth something.

The next day he walked into school head down, eyes on his feet, only seeing Yixing when he was mere centimetres away. He immediately pulled down his sleeves, but Yixing pulled up, looking with such sadness and pity into Jongdaes eyes and at the deep red lines that marred his wrist. Questions lined his gaze as he seemed to stare into Jongdaes soul, waiting for Jongdae to say something. Jongdae smiled. A sad one. One that barely reached his soul, which held the one question he needed to ask.

"Am I good enough now?"


End file.
